Tips for Conquering White Friday

White Friday is the day you stay home and get rid of stuff. It’s a thing, okay? As we all know, it can be pretty daunting to face all the stuff in the closets that you might use some day. So, I’m going to give you a couple tips that I learned from my first official White Friday. With these helpful hints, you can make any day White Friday!

1. Sleep really, really late. Seriously – there’s no need to rush.
2. Don’t take a shower. It’s a waste of time.
3. Find something fun to put on TV in the background, like a movie or a favorite TV show (today’s stars were, Disney Shorts, House MD, and Jessica Jones).
4. Devise a plan to systematically purge room-by-room, category-by-category. Then ignore your plan and start wandering around the house randomly pulling stuff out.
5. Create “zones.” I didn’t really do this until maybe halfway through, when I realized I didn’t want to take it all to the thrift store. Some zones could be:
   a. Thrift Store
   b. Used book store (for credit – like 2nd and Charles)
   c. Give to so-and-so
   d. Give back to Mom since she gave it to me instead of getting rid of it herself
   e. Trash
6. Text a friend what you’re doing and entice them with free stuff. When they get there, give them half of what you’ve already pulled out, grab some other random stuff for them, make them tea, and talk for an hour or so before graciously carrying all of your junk out to their car.
7. Realize it’s 4:30PM and you haven’t eaten lunch yet. Make lunch and sit down for an episode of House.
8. THROW AWAY ALL YOUR GROSS OLD FOOD EW.
9. If it’s not “oh my gosh my most favorite movie ever,” get rid of it.
10. Keep going. Just keep going. Pull out the box you’re terrified of because you don’t know what all you’ve stuffed in there and you think your odds and ends have probably respawned into overdue bills and trinkets you feel guilty getting rid of. Get rid of the trinkets, realize with relief there’s no overdue bills, and trash all the paper stuff. LIVE FREE, MY FRIEND!
11. Take a break and go feed everybody’s pets that you’re sitting over the holiday. Soak in the unconditional love they have for the food-giver and feel restored in your spirit.
12. Here’s a serious tip: Don’t keep things that aren’t special. If it’s not a functional thing that you use all the time and it isn’t a) one of your grandmother’s paintings b) pillows your mom made from the fabric your sister got in Africa or c) your favorite book that you read every year, then it doesn’t need to take up your space. If you’re going to have stuff, let it be special stuff.
13. If you have roommates, remind yourself you can’t get rid of their stuff.
14. When you’re done, tidy up. Contain all the trash. Put things in neat piles or boxes or tubs. Even though all of your extraneous stuff is currently sitting in your dining room and making you feel like your house is even MORE cluttered than before, not less, if you make it look nice I promise you’ll feel better.
15. Gloat in your victory! Feel free to be just a little bit smug. You deserve it.