Yesterday, I fixed my roommate’s computer:
Pretty sweet, right? It’s only a temporary fix, of course, but she was pretty excited to be able to use her own computer for her final papers. I told her I was excited that I had gotten to fix something, because fixing things means A) I get to solve a problem B) I get to experiment with ideas and C) I get to feel good about my abilities when I finish. She laughed at me for saying “feel good about my abilities” instead of “feel good about myself.” I explained (although she kind of already knew) that for me, really for NTs in general, abilities = identity.
This is a good motivator for success. NTs include Socrates, Einstein, Nietzsche, Marie Curie, C.S. Lewis, Ayn Rand, and Thomas Jefferson. Successful people, right? I wonder how many of them were plagued with the fear of impending failure. I would bet money on every single one of them, although Lewis knew one thing that I know: my abilities are not my identity.
On my own abilities, I could become very successful, but I would never satisfy myself. I would always be disappointed in myself. I would consider myself a failure if I was not the absolute best. I don’t have to live in that fear, though. My abilities and failures don’t matter in the light of Christ’s victory. In my own life, I have experienced the freedom that comes from surrendering my constant quest for greatness to the Greatest of all. In Him, I have found my identity and my purpose. God even uses my weaknesses and failures in uncomfortable and life-changing ways.
Even though I fixed Mary Beth’s computer, tomorrow I may do poorly on a test, or I may look stupid in front of people I respect. The beautiful thing is, that doesn’t have to eat me up anymore. I don’t have to live and die on my performance, because I have died and live in Christ.
Happy uneventful Saturday between death and resurrection!
My church has a 5k (called Run to the Cross) and a spring festival (mostly for kids) every Nothing-Happened Saturday. This was my first year, since I usually go home for Easter. There are big inflatable castles and slides, and Easter Egg hunts, hot dogs, one slightly awkward Easter bunny, and live music. This year, a few members of the regular worship band, and me, were asked to be the band – which is why I went, because egg hunts have long lost their luster for me. Apparently for the past three years the band has been Act of Congress, an AMAZING local band that is now making it big, at least too big for our Easter festival. Just go to their page and listen to 5 seconds of a song, and you’ll know why this makes us, the worship band, look like lame follow-up wannabes.
It rained and our drummer canceled, so our venue changed from outside to in the gym and we switched from electric to acoustic. When we got to the gym, we had to wait for a children’s choir, armed with kazoos, to finish.
Then the saxophone player decided to show up – even though he didn’t come to rehearsal, and we no longer had the full electric sound to back up a LOUD and resonant instrument like the sax. The boss man likes the sax, though, so those of us actually playing the acoustic instruments had to grin and bear it as he jazz improv’ed all over our harmonies.
When the children’s choir was done, they all left, with their parents (the gym wasn’t full to begin with). Then after we played a few songs, we had to stop so that they could hold the Diaper Derby. Once that was over, all the parents with the cute little babies left.
About one-third into our set, it was announced that the inflatables were closed due to their being too wet to be safe, and this was our death-knell. A couple songs later, all that was left was the cleaning crew – the die-hard church volunteers who had probably heard our songs 50 times before. They do know how to appreciate, though! We didn’t finish our set and took a couple requests instead, and as the Spring Festival officially withered to a close, the sun came out.
Tomorrow is EASTER, though, which means Resurrection and rejoicing, and 5+ hours of rehearsals and services. But Easter is a very, very, very good day.